Seeking The Best Passenger Jokes

When wearing my Tour Director hat, over the duration of a 2 or 3 week tour I spend many hours in the coach with my groups. On one day I usually have a joke competition with a prize for the best joke to be awarded at our Farewell Dinner.There is some skill to successfully delivering a joke, so I do give these (usually) older travelers a day's notice so that they can think about it - and remember the punch line!When I first started doing this, I was a little taken aback with the 'color' of some of the jokes - sometimes from little old darlings who blushed and giggled as they told the joke. Now, much to my chagrin, I find they now have to be censored - especially on themes of Viagra and flatulence. They must tell me the joke before I hand them the microphone!This activity always results in them quietly telling each other the jokes that I have disallowed, and the laughter that follows is wicked.Now I am assembling these jokes, and would love to receive some more - from older travelers, for older travelers, which can be sent via my personal URL. With apologies in advance to anyone who may take umbrage at these - here are my top three (so far!):1. How to get into the Olympic GamesSean the Irishman, Jock the Scot and Nigel the Englishman were in Sydney during the time of the 2000 Olympic Games. They were lamenting the fact that they had no tickets to any events and what a shame it was to waste a visit to Sydney and not go to the Games.They noticed all the athletes going into the venues with their various apparatus, and they worked together on formulating a sure-fired plan to gain entry.The next day Jock found a power pole on the side of the road, hefted it onto his shoulder and approached the gate. "Jock MacTavish, pole-vaulting" he said, and was allowed entry.Nigel found a manhole cover, tucked it under his arm and said to the gatekeeper "Nigel Brown, discus". He also was waved in.Having seen this, Sean went out and found a roll of barbed wire. He popped this onto his shoulder, marched up to the gate and announced, "Sean O'Malley - fencing"!2. Disability TestBob was sent to the social services office to apply for the aged pension. Now Bob was a bit forgetful, and forgot to take his documentation with him, but went to the desk anyway. The clerk looked him up and down, and asked him to lift his shirt. When Bob hesitated and asked why, she said "Well, you have no documentation, but I can tell if you qualify by seeing your chest". So Bob lifted his shirt, and the clerk, noting the silver hairs on his chest, approved his application.Bob went home and related this event to his wife, who replied "It's a pity she didn't ask you to drop your pants, you might have got a disability pension as well"!3. Mother in Law's ChristmasEvery year the family had the same discussion about what to buy Gwen, our mum/mother in law for Christmas. When asked, she would always reply "Oh don't your worry about a gift for me, I have everything I need. Save your money." To which everyone rolls their eyes, scratches their heads, and carries on with suggestions.One year when pressed, she finally relented and said "I would like a burial plot", which was greeted with shock and raised eyebrows. She continued "I like to be organized, and don't want any of you to worry about such things when I'm gone". Now Gwen is very fit and healthy, but in desperation the family agreed and gave her what she wanted. And she was happy.The next year when we began the same discussion, one son in law said "I don't think we should get her anything - she hasn't used what we gave her last year"!To get more information click here redneck jokes

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